"Sitting there, faking at the picture of perfection..."

Crap-talk:
My dad is mad at my mom because she wants him to go to the official funeral feast and he doesn't want to.
My mom is mad at my dad because he said nothing about her new dress.
A. is mad at me because our relationship fades out.
I am mad at A. because he is so pathetic about it.
I am also mad at Jenya because he texted me and now I'm thinking again about how he's doing.
Margoth, the organizer of Interzona, also drives me mad (although I don't know her personally). There will be no second Interzona festival.
Id Molotov freaks me out, too, for the same reason.

God, Interzona went off a year ago!

"...Why is everything so needy?"

Shit

Omg, I'm unemployed again. Now they say I don't have enough experience in the field of business. That's true, but why am I so unlucky when a job is concerned?

disease

every thought gives me pains.
so i'll write what i'm listening to instead.

new:
borknagar - quintessence
control denied - the fragile art of existence
cynic - focus (remastered) (!!!!!)
opeth - deliverance
opeth - blackwater park
opeth - my arms, your hearse
(my collection of opeth albums is now full!)
perfect circle - mer de noms
planet x - moon babies
riverside - second life syndrome
tiamat - prey
hieronymus bosch

and i need to write a song. better to say, i need to rewrite it. that one about nuclear winter i wrote last year for my electronic music class. i have some drafts, but they don't make anything. neither the text nor the sound.
i'm crying since early morning.
i forgot what is to hold your hand, and i'm scared.

and now i'm going to draw someone's head and then peel some skin off the drawn head so that part of the skull shows. and hands with poisoned milk in it, and morbid kittens, and cut throats, and fractured skulls of living creatures, and backs skinned to the spinal cords. that's all i can afford.

Emo post.

I would like to drain myself by sleep deprivation, or by loads of work and study, or by hours of drumming practice (remember how you increased your speed when you lost in one of your games), or by walking around the city with a camera all day long and coming home with a kilo of black sand in my lungs. There are many ways.
I also gained a little result in self-programming, so everything seems goodie-goodie.

Tomorrow I'm going to have an interview, so that I could have a summer job as a tutor for American students. See my poor English? Think I can succeed?

And how are you getting on, fuckers?

It makes me feel so low.

What kind of art can be more distanced from the topic of human body than progressive metal? What can be loftier, colder, more logical or more cynical?

Acting alone is better than acting together with a person who lets you know that you're acting alone.

observation

When you grow up and get married, all the thoughts about who you like and who you don't like and all this childish fucked-up trash becomes only your problem. And your husband's. One big huge fucking problem. =(