disease

every thought gives me pains.
so i'll write what i'm listening to instead.

new:
borknagar - quintessence
control denied - the fragile art of existence
cynic - focus (remastered) (!!!!!)
opeth - deliverance
opeth - blackwater park
opeth - my arms, your hearse
(my collection of opeth albums is now full!)
perfect circle - mer de noms
planet x - moon babies
riverside - second life syndrome
tiamat - prey
hieronymus bosch

and i need to write a song. better to say, i need to rewrite it. that one about nuclear winter i wrote last year for my electronic music class. i have some drafts, but they don't make anything. neither the text nor the sound.
i'm crying since early morning.
i forgot what is to hold your hand, and i'm scared.

and now i'm going to draw someone's head and then peel some skin off the drawn head so that part of the skull shows. and hands with poisoned milk in it, and morbid kittens, and cut throats, and fractured skulls of living creatures, and backs skinned to the spinal cords. that's all i can afford.