Newsletter!

- ,waterfeel is recording a demo. Drums and bass have been already recorded, and our guitarists are slow like intellectual turtles.
- I'm painting my pants silver. When I finish them, OhGr will definitely suck.
- It seems that I'm a coffee addict. But half a year ago I hated black coffee. My love for coffee appeared when I tasted a special coffee drink in "Ideal Cup", a popular cafe in Petersburg. It contained lemon juice and honey. When I drank this, I was nearly flying like a little aircraft. So I thought I should make this thing myself at home not to fall asleep at the classes. I cook coffee adding chocolate, cinnamon, cloves, nutmeg and honey, and I squeeze orange juice into it (orange juice is tastier than lemon juice). And it's always a perfect morning.
- I want to remake a T-shirt and write "Dismal Crap" on it. The Russians will understand me.

Shit

Omg, I'm unemployed again. Now they say I don't have enough experience in the field of business. That's true, but why am I so unlucky when a job is concerned?

New job

Ah. I nearly forgot. I don't work with computers anymore! I was idle for a couple of months and now I'm employed again. I'm selling fucking traditional Russian shals to intourists at the fucking Nikolaevsky palace! Tomorrow is my first day at work and I need to come home without hangover syndrome and find a clean white shirt.
My boss Sveta (it's Sveta again, like in the previous place) loves me. I happened to come to the interview wearing Mudvayne merch (a tee with the skulls) and she didn't say anything xDD (I was sleepy, hungover and too happy for any shit like work, as on any other day of this summer)

omg omg omfg

Now I'm sitting at the computer in the flat of a really disgusting selfish boy (who is certainly out at work) with his girlfriend (boyfriend??) who is one of my best friends. o_O I'm drinking beer, listening to doom metal and missing Jenya. I'm talking to some German guy on Facebook. He appreciates my drumming skills and knows my Chinese-American friend.
I don't know what to write by now cuz it's so boring. I'll maybe write a letter to Erica...

Music

more new music:
Sleep Terror - Probing Tranquility (2006). It rules, especially the track "Somnambulist Pedophile" *__* Jazz metal similar to Continuo Renacer but a bit more heavy and interesting (imho), and the tracks are short (1-3 minutes).
Gorod - Leading Vision (2006). Technical death metal as it is. Complicated solos, cookie monster growls, blastbeat etc. make up melodic pieces with quite understandable harmonies.
Avec Tristesse - How Innocence Dies (2004). Progressive/death/doom, I'll try to write about it later.

!

well, finally we had a concert at Point club. everybody says that "the drummer girl rules". lol
now i'm extremely proud -))



you can't see me on this photo!!

disease

every thought gives me pains.
so i'll write what i'm listening to instead.

new:
borknagar - quintessence
control denied - the fragile art of existence
cynic - focus (remastered) (!!!!!)
opeth - deliverance
opeth - blackwater park
opeth - my arms, your hearse
(my collection of opeth albums is now full!)
perfect circle - mer de noms
planet x - moon babies
riverside - second life syndrome
tiamat - prey
hieronymus bosch

and i need to write a song. better to say, i need to rewrite it. that one about nuclear winter i wrote last year for my electronic music class. i have some drafts, but they don't make anything. neither the text nor the sound.
i'm crying since early morning.
i forgot what is to hold your hand, and i'm scared.

and now i'm going to draw someone's head and then peel some skin off the drawn head so that part of the skull shows. and hands with poisoned milk in it, and morbid kittens, and cut throats, and fractured skulls of living creatures, and backs skinned to the spinal cords. that's all i can afford.

my little universe has gone to ausflug. new clothes for masquerading.

Party animal's notes

And suddenly there is nothing to write about. Hundreds of events fight for domination in my head. Each thing wants to be described but I send everything away to be drowned in a...kind of milk or cream. It's a fluid, white and a little bit orange sweet milk-like fluid. Not quite happiness but...I suppose it's a deep form of satisfaction.

But I'm so depressed that I'm leaving on Friday. What shall I do in Georgia? Sit my ass on the beach sipping beer like a real Russian man? Raping little girls? Climbing every mountain with Dresden Dolls in my ears - oh not, not Dresden Dolls again, they give me pains and hope. Perhaps the best way will be abstracting myself from everything and flowing like everyone does. The goal abandoned me, so I've torn the connecting wires. To hell with it, I have enough things to do.

Why am I afraid? Maybe I like to be afraid? And I cover this fear with an intense smile. Yesterday I've drawn on a piece of paper the remains of my heart. I'm too open right now, so I cut it out.

<3 thedevilspanties.com

=)))))

Disclaimer # 2

Actually, this blog was created for purpose of security. My ex-boyfriend didn't understand English, so I could snivel out here without being noticed. ^_^
Now there's a possibility that I can either turn to German or run away and learn Japanese. Very quickly. o_O

Disclaimer

My exams are over.
I'm working with the Americans now, and I must speak Russian with them.
I like them more than my Russian colleagues, although there are too many of them - around 25 students. I can't stand more than two people that I know around me at the same time.
When I'm finished with this work, I'll buy the Sabian Vault V-Crash 17" cymbal and I'll be totally happy. -)

I want to study Swedish and vocals, but to begin with, I should stop drinking every evening. Beer and cocktails devour most of my money =(

Also, I started learning to play double pedal. It's fun! And I like my teacher. He is very cute and kind.

Faun Fables

Faun Fables "House Carpenter" lyrics
There are only two song texts in the Wired by now.

.LOG

I've become a little bit smarter.
The sky outside is beautiful, it resembles an old torn blanket processing forth the endless tabula rasa.
I need to find my old shitty camera again and try to catch something.
I need to go to Kanonersky Island again and find some piece of mind.
I need to do away with the examination essays.
I need to establish my way of life.
I need to realize my musical thoughts.
I am finally able to need.
We are together again.

This is the third day I'm alive again, and not cosplaying a robot. There's only a laughing corpse left of it. It's in my smile that's almost always "on". Its spirit is imprisoned in the doll I got as a present from Jell [she's been to Laperanta recently]. The doll is iron and as nice as Shirley Moor, the big robot doll without arms and legs.
I feel like Chtulhu-Junior outside its shell. A rosy piece of young, tasteless meat.

I closed my LiveJournal blog for some time.

Chuck Schuldiner is love.

R.I.P.

My little piggy needed something new. (NIN)

The most obvious advantage of being single is that no one dares disturb you. No one offers you their stupid system of values, no one tries to convince you that you're wrong. No one invades your little putrid world and no one tries to cleanse it with their special supereffective means. No one annoys you with their imperfection.
Being single also means: you don't have to teach anyone to do anything. ANYTHING - behaving oneself, solving one's problems, making out, etc. No one has to trouble themselves accepting my ideal image of a partner.

But there is one huge disadvantage: now I have to carry 10 kg of cymbals alone. My back fucking hurts, and I fucking need an SUV. That's all.

Emo post.

I would like to drain myself by sleep deprivation, or by loads of work and study, or by hours of drumming practice (remember how you increased your speed when you lost in one of your games), or by walking around the city with a camera all day long and coming home with a kilo of black sand in my lungs. There are many ways.
I also gained a little result in self-programming, so everything seems goodie-goodie.

Tomorrow I'm going to have an interview, so that I could have a summer job as a tutor for American students. See my poor English? Think I can succeed?

And how are you getting on, fuckers?

It makes me feel so low.

What kind of art can be more distanced from the topic of human body than progressive metal? What can be loftier, colder, more logical or more cynical?

Acting alone is better than acting together with a person who lets you know that you're acting alone.

a long long stony day

7.00
I got up
I woke Jell (who was sleeping on the other side of the bed) up
We ate scrambled eggs
We went out swearing at the whole world

9.10
I came to Moskovskaya subway station
I found a store and bought some cigarettes

9.30
Guintaras picked me up
And we had a lot of fun

14.50
I came to school
I hated everyone I saw

15.00
I had a midterm test on philosophy
And a stomachache

16.40
I wrote another midterm test. on world music studies.

18.30
I met Tasha Trash and skipped half of the rest of the classes.
She had a depression.
And I was her psychotherapist.

23.40
I'm going to sleep.


I miss you.

Fotis Benardo is cute.

NYA NYA ^_______^

[Septic Flesh]

Yep I'm stupid.

Nivek Ogre is a cutie.

[Skinny Puppy]

Makeup

Yesterday I was at the first concert of my friend Aliot. Well...although it's emocore, they just rock! ^^ Kostya, if you're reading this, tell your guitar player that he accelerates all the time... -)

good news?

so...erm..hi, this is ,waterfeel (link for vkontakte users) and we're still playing good music. )) tomorrow we'll try another vocalist. we're making a sort of 'casting', and i was so fucked up with the previous guy that i was thinking of a big chainsaw covered in blood full three days after the rehearsal.
i'm bored of the songs that are playing in my head. the album is called 'awake', 1994. fuck dream theater.

i'm trying to think of a huge ideology a-la 'Star Wars'. and i've already drawn the All-Consuming Evil (1), its servants (2), the embodiment of Good (3), and three Neutral characters (4)*. Maybe I'll call this thing 'The Skulls Tale'. =)


*(1) The Almighty Evil is represented by a huge carnivore amoeba named Mother of All Mankind (a Russian abbrevition - MVC). It's just sitting on its throne or consuming everything it sees, for example, (3). MVC is in charge of all the mankind's idiotism and monotony. It can be beaten only by means of a computer that's hidden inside it. As MVC is unicellular, it's unbreakable and eternal, so the computer is unaccessible.
(2) The servants of MVC are called the Foscysts (фошыстыъ). It's a family of three goat-like creatures, obviously re-drawn from Hell Clan (monsters from Diablo II). They are those who slew (3) before it even was born. The Foscysts just thought that (3) was of a wrong race that shouldn't exist in the world.
(3) All the 'Good' might is concentrated in a strange cephalopodic creature called Filth the Nonexisting. It's very shy and is afraid of speaking. Filth is always depressed because od its nonexistence. The matter is that it was killed by Foscysts before it was ever born, and then MVC consumed it for means of precaution. Filth doesn't exist, but still it speaks, it tries to move on its one leg, and it always prays to God and complains of being 'dooooooomed!!!'. Actually, the Good is not Filth itself but a tamagochi that's hiding in his brainbox. Nobody has ever seen it, as nobody has ever seen Filth. And don't forget: if the tamagochi wins, every human will be striked by a strange disease, and we will all degrade into unicellular, simple creatures.
(4) As usual, the Neutral side is represented by Upfly and Dethfly (who grew up in the same test-tube), and their best friend and talisman Herbert (who is, actually, just a skull).


// Pictures will follow just when I get to a scanner.

check this

url of my russian livejournal has changed.
now i'm [here].

we're thinking of a name for our band

...
- what's going on with the name of our band? have you thought about it?
- erm. actually not. mmm...is there a band called Noir?
- there is one called Noir Desir.
- Noir Desire?
- not quite that. Noir Desi-rrrrrr. French.
- and what style are they playing in?
- fuck knows, but their vocalist is a murderer. i read about it.
- i like the word 'noir', it's just beautiful, plus it has a line with
a dot in it...
- yep. i know about your love with that word :)
- see, it must be something depicting an empty naked person. or
something concerning evening and black water.
- okay. how about 'Seldom Conscious'?
- 'sell them what?'
- 'Sellldommmmconnnsciousss'.
- erm. he-he. okay. let's think again. mmm... is there a band called 'Nude'?
- i think not.
- how do you like this word, then?
- erm...ha-ha...sorry, but i imagine just a naked bitch!
- fuck. i'm just trying to find a word for something naked and empty.
how about 'naked cage'?
- oh shit, it's sadomasochistic! yeah, i know, i'm a little dirty pervert!
- and again. what do you think then?
- 'White Cluster'.
- i like 'white', but not 'cluster'. too computer-like. it sounds like
'broken pixel'.
- a cluster is actually a small closed room. maybe then 'chamber'?
- 'white chamber'. hmm.
- elimination chamber! hahaha!
...

observation

When you grow up and get married, all the thoughts about who you like and who you don't like and all this childish fucked-up trash becomes only your problem. And your husband's. One big huge fucking problem. =(

In Yerevan.

Spent the whole two days playing Diablo II and discussing metal music. Mwahaha.

Diary

Today I went to a CD store to buy a gift for my Armenian friend plus some music for me. I hesitated and thought what's better: Aretha Franklin, Mudvayne, Emilie Autumn, A Perfect Circle or some free jazz. Finally, I purchased a deluxe edition of 'Mythmaker' by 'Skinny Puppy' and... another Skinny Puppy album ('Too Dark Park'). This last one is really noisy, close to the roots of industrial music :)

Btw, I'm an American according to the test 'Which culture is for you?' (in Russian).

Gosh, I want to fuck him. *_________*

And I'm not fucking ashamed. Yes he did play bass with drain.bamage (the band I used to play in) a couple of times. He's so kawaii, mmm.

Midyear

I'm going to sit my last exam tomorrow. And then - freedom!!! Ha, ha, and once more ha.
Why are all the students sooo happy when the midyear is over? It's cold outside, and imho it's better to sit at home and read books and write essays than to go and get your ankles frostbitten. Some people say I study in a good college, some say that I'm 'talented', some think that I abuse 'social network' and many others think that I'm a nerdy creature. Dunno who of them is right, but everyone had the right to choose which college to enter. As for me, I have nothing to do. I'm tired of people, parties and alcohol (but maybe not drugs -_-) and I have no money. And the study's over. And there's nothing to do. If I had more money, I'd spend my time on music, but my boss is abroad and cannot pay me anything. So I'm gonna just work work work and wait for doubled salary.

Asylum is real

I've created a virtual town at MyMiniCity.com. It's called Refugium which is the Latin for 'Asylum'. Every visit of this page makes the life in Refugium a little bit better. At first, I nee to increase the population of the town. In brief, click here to help me conquering the world! =)

A couple of hours ago, I was busy with attaching a head of an old bag (she has a birthday on 13th) to a Renoir's painting. Well, it has its style, but the woman's head is really awful. Hopefully, I'm going to be paid for this crap.)

Asshole

0(wwwЖo^oЖwww)0

This is a short-sighted, hairy INTERNET ASSHOLE WITH EARS!!!

Principles

Some people treat the others like chocolate. This is a funny game. The rules are: open it, taste it, eat it, throw away the wrapping. The chocolate itself is the role you want this person to play in your life. When you've devoured the chocolate and the person has been used by you, you can throw away the rest - you don't need anything except the chocolate itself. So the person is being thrown away.
I used to play this thing some time ago, till I got a never-ending multi-taste bar of chocolate. ^_^

There is also a 'bus principle'. When going somewhere by bus, have you ever understood that this vehicle is a closed system? And it has its own rules, too. You can remain in the bus if only:
- the bus isn't broken,
- you pay the fare,
- your route is similar to the route of the bus,
- you're not eating ice-cream or anything,
and so on.
If you violate one of the rules, you are risking to be:
- thrown out of the bus (out of the system),
- turned in to the police situated outside the system.
And so is the whole life. Something is giving us rules and watching us outside.

Internet services

You can find my accounts in several places on the Internet. Livejournal, DeviantArt, Last.fm, Myspace, Ourmedia, and some Russian ones (I currently live in Russia, and this Asylum is the place where I can keep up my language skills). Those are Vkontakte (the design of which is completely stolen from Facebook), Diary.ru, LiveInternet and MyWishlist.

What I'm speaking about is: I don't like web services provided by my country. They have bugs and, worst of all, the text is written in Russian. Everyday I hear Russian in the streets, and the images of the people who're speaking are closely connected to the language they're speaking. In general, I don't like people much, but I especially detest those who I see every day and who can attack you verbally every second of the time. These are two reasons why I want to remove my accounts there, but I need to keep in touch with my circle.
As LiveJournal was bought by Russian employers, I'm waiting for the worse.

And now a little picture of two lovely-lovely creatures:
The Dresden Dolls.



A bit like us, eh? ;)

Dreaming about a concept album

By now I've written eight songs and I rack my brains how to make a demo record.
I can play piano and drums and a little bit bass guitar, also I sing along when playing this stuff.
But I drank away all my money. Damned New Year parties.

My zodiac sign

Весы. (24 сентября - 23 октября)

Это, пожалуй, единственный знак, кого практически никогда нельзя увидеть в глубоком депрессняке.
Даже в чернейшей жопе они находят свой кайф, отчего их ебло растянуто в постоянной улыбке.
Можно даже предположить, что весы хронические пациенты дурки, но как показывает практика, так чаще всего и случается.
С одной стороны с ними х$й соскучишься, с другой - у них дома может быть страшнее пейзажа атомной войны, что говорит о их крайне дурындаском образе жизни. Поразительные способности к искусству позволяют весам лепить из песка, глины и говна не только ментов, но и людей других полезных профессий.
Самое страшное испытание для них, как бы это глупо не звучало, - выбрать одно из двух.
Весы будут долго и напряженно думать, может быть даже обосруца от напряга, но в итоге отмажутся банальной фразой типа: “- Я подумаю еще.”
Сказать “да” или “нет” сразу и без резины для них проблема из глобальных.

Libra

People of this zodiac sign never seem to be depressed.
They have a great pleasure even when they're totally screwed, that's why they always have a smile on their fucking face.
We can suppose that Libras are chronical madhouse patients, and practically so it often happens.
On the one hand, you'll never ever get bored with them, on the other hand, their homes and rooms can be uglier than a nuclear war, and that is because those people lead an extremely idiotic way of life.
Libras' striking creative abilities allow them modeling things from sand, clay and shit. They can sculp not only policemen, but also folks of other important occupations.
Silly as it might seem, the most horrible ordeal for Libras is deciding between two variants.
Libras will be thinking tensely for a long time, they even may shit their pants from strain, but finally they'll get off with a banal phrase like `I'll think again.`
Saying yes or no quickly, without dawdling, is a global problem for Libras.

I hate drummers.

Five simple features of drummers:

1. You shouldn't borrow any of drummer's belongings, and if you did that (by mistake), wait for a long oral execution.
2. The better is drummer's technique, the better he fucks.
3. You should never ask another drummer for a piece of advice about your drums/cymbals/hardware/whatever because two drummers never like the same things.
4. Impartially, drummers are loosers. But they themselves think they're not.
5. Those drummers who worship Dave Grohl can't play anything interesting.

We should kill them. Mortal shit, they have no right to live.